Проверка эссе Writing Task 2 (два эссе)

Наверное, вы заметили, что на главной странице myielts.kz указано, что я ежегодно проверяю более 2000 эссе IELTS и комментирую их качество, а также советую, как их можно улучшить.

Так вот в этой статье я хочу показать пример эссе от студентов, которые со мной готовились к IELTS и давали мне свои работы на проверку.

Посмотрите на две письменные работы со стороны и с точки зрения экзаменатора, чтобы понять, что в этих эссе получилось, а что требует доработки.

Тема обоих эссе следующая:


Millions of people every year move to English-speaking countries such as Australia, Britain or America, in order to study at school, college or university.
Why do so many people want to study in English?
Why is English such an important international language?

 
 
Сначала идет оригинальное эссе, а затем мой разбор по каждому абзацу и составляющим абзацев, общий комментарий, примерная оценка и примерное эссе на эту тему (написанное мной), чтобы сравнить.

 
 

Essay # 1

 
 

Essay # 2

…и идет пример моего эссе на эту тему:

The fact that many people around the globe choose English-speaking countries as a study destination is an undeniable truth, and there are a number of obvious reasons for this kind of academic mobility. This essay will try to feature some of them and attempt to answer the question of why English is so widespread in the world.
 
To begin with, English is a truly global language due to historical, economic and political reasons. We know from history that the British Empire used to dominate for centuries in half of the planet up to the twentieth century, and it has left significant trails in many territories that it used to own and that are now at the forefront of the world economy. In our times the United States of America plays a crucial role in many spheres of world politics and business, and it actively uses English as a tool for communicating with other nations.
 
It is not uncommon that because of the above reasons students from many countries want to pursue their studies exactly in the English-speaking world. This can be explained by the fact that alongside with the developed economies these countries can also offer state-of-the-art educational systems, the best ones in the world in terms of technology, scientific resources and research facilities. It is therefore little wonder why student mobility is oftentimes towards the countries with English as the first language.
 
To conclude, the popularity of English-speaking countries among foreigners has very clear historical implications that continue to influence their current successful position in the world. English has been the universal language for decades and will remain at the top of international languages for decades to come.
 
10 sentences
279 words

 
 

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